Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
