sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
