In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We left an ass print on the piano.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
