First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
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Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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