dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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