cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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