Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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