I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
