Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
