I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
