I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
