Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
