nut hugger
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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