just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
