just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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