You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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