Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
