were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
