my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
