Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
