Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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