i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
