he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
