i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
