We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
