im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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