It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
