i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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