Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
