how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
