she was so not down for the gang bang
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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