you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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