From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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