I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
