i just sent this text using only my big toe
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
