I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
