my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
