My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
