non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
