Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
