Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
