he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
