There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
