I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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