Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
