If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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