Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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