Just cropdusted the office
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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