Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
