I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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