I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
