Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
