The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She bit a glass in half.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
