Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
