Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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