he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
