And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
