I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
