Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
