Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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