hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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