Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
