So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
