Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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