Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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