I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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