According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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