ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
