please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
