Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Never underestimate the power of titties
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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