just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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