i permit you to call me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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