I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
