his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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