hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
