my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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