omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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